Saturday, April 01, 2006

Rounds for President

Today I stumbled upon my old future vision goggles. I haven't used them since I learned about next year's religion wars. But I turned them on again because I was curious about Governor Rounds' future political career. I thought they were going to show me whether or not he wins the governor's race this November, but the goggles instead showed me January 20, 2033 as Rounds is sworn in as the 48th President of the United States of America.

Rounds will apparently have a fruitful career. It will look bleak at first as he loses the 2006 race for SD's governor. But after a controversy causes Sen. Thune to resign in 2007, Rounds fills the seat and remains there for several terms. He will gain prominence in the Senate when he is instrumental in granting statehood to Mexico, cementing US control of North America. This will help give him a large voter pool in time to announce his candidacy for President in 2032.

South Dakotans were surprised that Rounds eventually wins. They never thought South Dakota would have two presidents in the same century, as President Tom Daschle already served two terms. Celebrations were held all across the state except on the Pine Ridge Reservation, where Cecilia Fire Thunder is trying to get the Oglala Sioux Nation to secede from the United States.

The very first bill to pass across President Rounds' desk will be a controversial bill barely passed in the Senate with a 52-51 vote. The bill will seek to establish a fifth branch of our federal government that would allow a committee of representatives from Alpha Centari to oversee the other four branches. Similar laws have already passed in China and East Iraq. Many thought the President would veto it the minute it got the the recently rebuilt While House, but he signed it into law. "I don't agree that this legislation is the best way to run our country, but I've heard from several people who have said, 'How do you know unless you try?' And I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords."

After seeing those events in my future goggles, I wept for several hours and then destroyed the goggles.

Disclaimer: This blog post was an April Fool's joke. No harm meant. Please don't sue me.

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